Saturday, December 31, 2005
Ominous Thoughts (part 2)
My second instalment of Ominous Thoughts right here, which deals on issues affecting myself on a more personal front.
As the year passes by, I see myself taking a new identity, a new self and more importantly, a new personality. The transition from civilian to soldier had a significant impact on my life. It was the first year of my life spent away from the comforts of school and books.
I no longer feel like a soldier right now compared to the first month in Tekong (when we were rather indoctrinated). I feel like someone ‘in between’, between a civilian and that of a soldier today. I feel that I am rather in a stable equilibrium, which allows me to carry on with my life normally even though I despise being a slave of the Establishment. The fact that I’m living a lifestyle almost no different from that of a civilian, yet not being one just seem so ironic. This is where I seek to make the best out of such equilibrium.
I was blog-hopping earlier on before writing this article. I read a couple of blogs of my old JC mates, mostly that of female undergraduates. However, a few male blogs does catch my attention, and one really echoed a sentiment similar to me. Take Aaron Wee’s blog (
http://ahdokboy.blogspot.com/). His “Soldier of Misfortune” series is the voice of downgraded combat soldiers who lament of their grand designs being crushed by unexpected medical maladies. I am one of them. People like us use to have ambitions to make our two years a fulfilling one. Many of us yearn to take pride as a leader, seeking to excel and overcome all challenges that face us. Thus, we can forge ahead in achieving our goals, being ready to strike whenever an opportunity arises, basking in the honour and glory that awaits us. However, things do not go our way yet one important message is being imprinted into our minds, which is “Life First.”
To be frank, I no longer lament of the shortcomings of my first year in the SAF. This is because I realise that it is not worth risking your limbs and brains for something which you are very unlikely to face in real life. NS hardens your character. It makes me realise the phrase “Life First” and how we should cherish our family and the strong bonds of friendship that we have made. NS allows you to embrace and understand the larger society, something which CIP, CCA, SPP (and so on) may not have done fully. NS taught me soft skills like humility, discipline and PR. This is something I have yet to fully master for the past 19 years of my life.
The year 2005 was like an extended stage of ‘Bardo’ as I pass the life of a carefree child, transiting to that of an independent adult. The year 2006 for me will be as ominous as ever, for I yearn to act like a true adult. I seek the spiritual, physical and mental strength to prepare myself to embrace the civilian world once again, for the civilian world has new challenges for me. The path will be blurred, and there’ll be setbacks to tackle. The current state of equilibrium might be disturbed anytime. I do not know whether I might become a combat soldier again. When the state of equilibrium is disturbed, certain factors will determine the result (like Le Chatelier’s Principle). I must be ready to tackle such sudden changes, notwithstanding the fact that the result is unpredictable. We all seek the strength as we now begin the year 2006 on this note. I hence wish my readers again a fulfilling and enriching year ahead.
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
18:40
Friday, December 30, 2005
Ominous thoughts (part 1)
I cannot believe that this blog is already two years old. Well I cannot believe that I have spent one year in the military, which is equivalent to a year away from the comforts of school. I cannot believe that I’m stoning here writing this article here, courtesy of the SAF leave policy that tentatively forces servicemen like myself to clear 14 days by today. With this, my first year in the army started with a bang on 10 Dec 2004 but ends today 30 Dec 2005 in a whimper. It was as though I have gone into hibernation, waiting for the day 09 Dec 2006 to come (which is my ORD date, by the way). Yes. If you were to ask me what I thought about the year 2005, I’d dare say that this year is a rather ominous year. I feel that things that are more interesting will take place next year, and that if you think 2005 was horrible with lots of disasters, epidemics and scandals, next year might be worse.
I cannot believe that the month of December is like the month of June. I am beginning to feel that the North-East monsoon is not going to come anyway. 2005 was a bad year from the geographical and scientific point of view. The relentless surge of hurricanes and earthquakes was a harsh reminder to the international community that the consequences of environmental devastation would really materialize. We’ve just seen one of several effects of environmental devastation, which are the changing climatic patterns. The hot Singapore December is already a sign of warning that bad weather is heading our way. Nevertheless, we see some slight progress by the international community. Countries are working hard to salvage the Kyoto Protocol despite the sustained non-cooperation of the US. In addition, I hope that we will rely less on oil and more on alternative resources like ethanol and water. Hurricane Katrina nearly sparked off an oil crisis, which could have paralysed the global economy. Countries that are able to rely less on oil for their energy are not only protecting their own economy, but also protecting the earth as a whole. This is quite an important lesson we should derive from the events of Katrina.
As I write this, I am beginning to feel that the worst is yet to come. Chinese geomancers are predicting ‘plagues’ this upcoming year, yet we can only pray that their predictions are wrong. We never know what the H5N1 virus is up to. We watch in vain as countries report sustained outbreaks, infections and deaths. Let’s hope that the scientists’ predictions of a pandemic will never come true, and that scientific advances will outwit the mutation of the virus. Life is precious, and the deaths of millions of chickens and birds are already sickening itself. Peace on Earth, please.
I would also view the year of 2005 where scandals actually have potentially disastrous consequences compared to previous scandals that happen the years before. This is because 2006 could be a year of judgement and consequence for such scandals. The Bush Administration was plagued by the CIA Agent scandal. The implications of this scandal will only be known in next year’s mid-term elections; especially when President Bush’s credibility ratings are very low. Taiwan’s DPP was swiftly punished by the Taiwanese people in the recent election after a corruption scandal. Malaysia is finding its credibility as a nation open to all being rapidly eroded, rendering Pak Lah’s campaign of a clean and fair government futile. All thanks to the fiasco showing a naked woman being ordered to do squats by a policewoman; in which Malaysians condemn as inhuman. This might indirectly affect Malaysia’s level of investment and economic performance, as foreign workers shun the country fearing mistreatment. This is bad considering Malaysia is highly dependent on foreign workers for industries such as construction, and it may have an impact on the growth rate of their economy.
Last but not least, Singaporeans realize that they have been cheated for a decade by the NKF under the mismanagement of its former CEO, TT Durai. Charities may be under close scrutiny hence ensuring that public funds are being properly managed with good corporate governance ever since the scandal arose, but thousands of kidney patients are being held hostage by this scandal. Singaporeans are still sceptical about the new NKF management, and many have suggested that they merge with another charity. Should this happen, the ensuring reorganization will see that patients may see their treatments and lives being compromised should the NKF fails to sustain their high reserves. We can only hope that Singaporeans can forgive and forget, and give the new NKF some breathing space. Even if you don’t trust the management, please spare a thought for the patients.
In conclusion, 2005 is indeed a very ominous year for us, for the events paint a grim picture for the events of 2006. However, the events of 2005 tell us that we still have the will to make the following year better if we want it so. Governments and companies worldwide could have leaded the way to a better year, yet they’ve not shown the way. We can play an active role in reducing environmental devastation, be a whistle-blower to corrupt and unethical practices; as well as in taking stock of our health. It is time that we take a break from being the materialistic self in the chase for 3G technologies. We may possess and create the best of 3G, but if we do not know how to make use of it to forge a more socially responsible society, our 3G gadgets will simply be white elephants and a waste of scarce resources.
Well, let’s hope for the better of the year 2006.
To be continued…
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
23:35
Friday, December 23, 2005
The war journalist
This week has been a hectic week for me. I found myself in the thick of the greens of Marsiling. What exactly was a clerk doing out there in a place where his job scope does not require him to be in? Yep, it's chiong sua time for the commanders as well as for the troops of my own brethen. Unfortunately, I happened to be the cameraman. Yes, the dreaded paparazzi. The illuminating moonlight in the midst of sheer darkness made the filming even harder for me especially when I only learnt how to use the video camera just a few hours before leaving camp. I became a nocturnal creature during this period. (Ya, Commandos are secret soldiers and they sneak out in dead silence amidst the darkness to lethally decimate their enemies.)
Yes. This is Ex Falcon, which you can compare to that to your school's preliminary exams if next year's ATEC is like your Cambridge examinations. For the civilians, ATEC stands for Army Training Evaluation Centre. They simulate battles for the various arms of the Army so as to evaluate their combat, planning and operational proficiency. ATEC itself is a unit whose job is to evaluate other units! ATEC is something which drives every single Army serviceman crazy, from the Formation/Division Commander all the way to the lowly solider in combat. Just as instituitions often depend on examinations and ranking agencies to make themselves stand high among others, this also applies to all combat units in the Army. Here, it is the showdown which decides whether you are the Best Combat Unit, Best Armour Unit; and the list will go on and on. As usual, First Commando Battalion is training hard to make sure that no one can snatch the title from them this coming workyear.
As I was doing the filming, I pondered upon how it was like to be a war journalist. During the 2003 US invasion of Iraq, the US military allowed a few journalists to accompany its troops as they advanced towards Baghdad. These journalists have no skills in fighting a war, but they risked their lives to show us the war live, as how it is like from the frontline and from the soldier's perspective. It is indeed tough for the US soldier not just to protect their fellow soldiers, but also to protect an innocent civilian who cannot protect himself from the incoming fire. However, war journalists have the power to swing the battle towards any side they wish to. The tone at which they set their report often affect the morale of both the soliders as well as the civilians. One would remember how powerful the Fourth Estate was during the Vietnam War as well as the current Iraq war. They caused the popularity ratings of the president in command to be rock low, and often dampened the morale of the soliders at the front. This in hand swung the war against the US military, while it emboldened the enemy. Linking back to my experience during this exercise, I wondered how confident our friends in the Commando Formation would be when it comes to First Commando Battalion's retention of the Best Combat Unit title. If they ever get to view the video, I wonder what how they would rate their chances.
When you have OC controllers cursing at the training troops, when you have frustrated soldiers, when you have these soldiers mistaking me as the enemy, and when the formation commanders persistently have an intimate chat with the S3, and when the enemy complains that some of the soldiers just don't die; well you be the judge. Anyway, let's hope things turn out well for next year's ATEC. Alternatively, you might want to hope that the infantry and guards perform more badly than the commandos so that they can retain their title. Yep, that's common thinking nowadays.
Nevertheless, it's an eye-opening experience for me, especially when you consider someone who OOT-ed from BMT a few days before his field camp. I don't mind being a military journalist. Just get me out of harm's way, and I will be of good service to the larger society. However, whether you as the military wants it portrayed as a positive or negative one, it's up to you. My job is just to convey the facts to the people. Enough said.
I'd like to wish my fellow readers a Merry Christmas. Of course, we should not forget the millions of people around us whose families are still scarred, whose livelihoods have not recovered, and whose minds has been badly oddled by last year's Boxing Day tsunami. May the strength and the will to live continue to remain firm in the childless, the orphans, the widowed and so on.
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
21:00
Friday, December 16, 2005
Past and Present
Frankly speaking, I really do not know what to talk about right now. The days of leave that I have been spending has caused my mind to vegetate, for I do not bother to do serious thinking compared to my old JC days. Perhaps, like what Albert Einstein has said, Imagination is more important than thinking. Hence, I find myself in my own dreamworld. I find myself studying the history of myself. (What if I possessed a Pensieve?) I find myself back in my days in TJ’s Humanities Room during my History S Paper lessons where Mr Thompson can actually talk about ‘Post-Modernism’ and in the end admits that he himself does knows what it is all about. Hence, common S paper questions like “How useful is counterfactual (or what-ifs) history?” appear, and of course, avoided by all.
I find it very scary to study counterfactual history. In fact, Historians avoid any discussions pertaining to counterfactual history for they do not want to be seen as being ‘speculative’. They would rather tackle the facts and make their views and arguments made clear along the flow of the events that go along. Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I would like my fellow Harry Potter fans to reread the last few chapters of book three (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) where we see Harry, Ron and Hermione turn back the clock just to save Sirius and Buckbeak. Snape and Cornelius Fudge were stumped by the events, even though Dumbledore was fully aware of this time-travelling incident. We see Harry Potter save Harry Potter (remember the two attempts of the Patronus Charm, where at first Harry could not rescue himself and Sirius, and thought that his father had actually came to save him). In this section of the Harry Potter series, we see history being turned against the clock to gain an advantage as well as to correct mistakes.
Thankfully in real life, we do not have Time-Turners like those in Harry’s world. Not every single member of society will turn back to time to correct mistakes, prevent war and devastation and so on. There are many evil people out there who can abuse time to create more sins and disasters. (Imagine Abu Bakar Bashir turning back time to escape arrest, and imagine Qin Shihuang having Horcruxes to cheat death) As for our normal lives, we can keep on whining about the shortcomings of the present where we ‘regret not taking action the last time’, but what can we do? Nothing except to look forward! We do not have the luxury of having Time-Turners like Hermione Granger! Thus, I am trying to practise a new brand of ‘Occlumency’, where instead of closing the mind to others, I am trying to close the mind to myself. This is because the more I look back, the more I regret and reflect, and hence the more I may never get to cherish life and embrace the future. After all, it is commonly said that we should ‘forgive and forget’.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to Christmas. I’m having a 33/03 gathering this weekend, and it’s just one more outfield exercise next week for my HQ before the Christmas break. By the way, I have been trying to think about the ‘Other Zelig’. I wonder how he is now. Nevertheless, I hope I do not have to use him as a guinea pig for my experiments for my study of my own counterfactual history, which I have been tired of doing so for the past two years.
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
21:43
Sunday, December 04, 2005
December thoughts
The long weekend is going to be extended for another day cos’ I have to clear my leave right now. The leave policy that affected the NSFs of my batch are technically causing problems for many of us. I even have friends who are going to get their leave forfeited!
All in the name of ‘operational readiness’. If it is that so, then I wonder why Mindef didn’t consider this problem when they reduced our NSF liability to 2 years. Well, I got 8 days to clear, and my superior decided that I shall clear it in the form of long weekends. Now I do not know what I am going to do for my long weekends. (Can someone find me something to do. Please, no camp-related stuff.)
Spent Saturday and today at home in seclusion. I spend my pondering in rest, thinking about my past, present and future. I pondered about what the year 2006 means to me. I pondered over whether I can attempt to fulfill my ambitions that I was so unable to attain this year. I pondered over what kind of person the SAF demands of me as a second-year NSF. Having spent almost 10 months as a clerk, and my FFI making me immune from combat expiring in February, will I get to downgrade? After all, I no longer see any point being a combat-fit soldier. Apparently, CPC (A branch within G1 Army which monitors enlistee servicemen – ie. The Control of Personnel Centre) thinks I should be one. I squandered any ambitions to be a commander. Assume I do my BMT again in March/April and pass out in June/July, I have less than half a year to serve out as a rifleman. Do I have time to be trained in a combat vocation? Do I have time to be re-trained in another service vocation? I don’t think so. I think it’s best for me to maintain the status quo till the very end.
In addition, I wonder whether I should give another shot at overseas scholarships. MOE rejected the last one, and did not even contemplate to let me go overseas at all. This time round I might consider the private sector. Which one in particular? I better not say it here lest my juniors start to undermine me. My dear readers, my juniors are much smarter than me (yep, rabbits versus tigers). Technically speaking, any fight for scholarships is going to be harder this time round…
Anyway, I wonder if the bonds with my former secondary school and JC mates will be sustained the following year. I had two outings with my secondary school mates over the past week, and I dare say it has been a fruitful one where I get to joke around with my long-lost friends, especially those of the opposite sex. I just do not know how to engage in a proper conversation with Kah Lin, especially when she asked me a lot of questions. I just realized that I do not know how to react well in front of vivacious girls like her. I just realized that I no longer have the confidence to tactfully deal with people of the opposite sex. That isn’t good, considering that we army guys spend most of our company with guys, for the only ladies we see in our camps are either cookhouse personnel or the ugly and bitchy chief clerks. By the way, Cindy hasn’t forget my remarks over she and myself having a date together to ‘shang yue’. Oh, how I regret saying that back when I was a naïve and ignorant 16-year old kid.
Well, it’s time for me to take a break from the PC, as well as to think more. And to Marcus Lee, I hope I do not sound like a newspaper reporter like what you told me the other time.
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
18:18
