Thursday, April 28, 2005
My brush with racism
I really do not know what to talk about right now. Yep. From now onwards I'd suggest that you guys address me as Zelig if you're really unsure. I know it's really a shocking surprise. Yesterday, I told a few of my fellow clerks who were on recall duty about my new name and they were a bit reluctant to see my name change. Sooner or later, the webpage name of this blog will have to change but before this, I'll have to look for a new blogskin for it. Maybe I've to create another blog, right? My mother did my deed poll on my behalf and now, Lee Pak Hung Zenon is now Lee Bai Hong Zelig Dhi. So, how you wish to address me, I don't know. After all, you readers are the one who decide whether I'm unique, famous or influential.
Speaking of the recent outrage over a PSC scholar's racist remarks over his blog, I looked back at my life as well as this blog where I had been so close to his position. My faithful readers would remember my comments for Vasudha under the post "The Ten Most Interesting TJCians I've ever met", whether I spoke about her bitchy personality. Unfortunately, I did not express herself clearly leading many Indians to think that I accused the entire Indian race of being bitchy. Thank goodness the tension was defused and everyone understood that it was merely a Freudian slip.
Fast forward now to the Commando Camp, one of the FAQs for commando wannabes would be: Where have the Malays gone? Yep. Former Indonesian president BJ Habibie made a big fuss out of the lack of Malays becoming Commandoes, Pilots or Officers in our SAF; apart from degrading us to a 'little red dot'. On my posting out day from BMTC, one of my Malay sergeant who was a regular lamented about not being in the Commandoes, even after applying to them four times. I myself thought about this and then reflected about the SAF's dirtiest secret. People say that there're Malays in Hendon, but unfortunately, i've yet to find one. Can you believe that I've not have a single Malay friend in the SAF, apart from my Malay instructors in Mohawk Company? My platoon had 1 Eurasian, 5 Indians and the rest Chinese. Well if I've seen a Malay so passionate about being a Commando then I could not see why he should not make it. After all, many Chinese Commandoes who're NSFs would rather 'Serve and Fuck Off', feeling that they don't deserve to be one.
I then came across a Straits Times commentary commenting about a writer discussing racial purity co-existing with racial cohesion, saying that both aspects cannot be tied together. Actually, if you ask me, such decisons are merely personal. You yourself decide how you want your family to like in terms of purity of blood. No one would accuse you of being a Nazi and hence respect your decison. In addition, the family structure is still in place. Even though the world has been gradually more cosmopolitan, inter-racial marriages are still a far cry from being a dominent social norm. The problem is when people keep their blood 'pure' and at the same time, show a negative attitude towards other races. My mother would be rather reluctant to allow me to marry someone of another race. She said that she would murder me if I ever marry a Muslim. Well, I'm not trying to say that I discriminate against my Muslim friends. As my family are quite devout Buddhists, you've to understand why she'd say that. In fact, one of the root vows in Tibetan buddhism says that one should not give up the Dharma. From here, before you start accusing someone of being racist, perhaps you should first study the background of this person concerned. On the other hand, one of my army mates who is an Indian Chinese hates being mistaken as an Indonesian, given the fact that he has fair skin and his name. If you ask me, that is really true discrimination. This shows that he discriminates against Indonesians, which to the Straits Times writer, defintely not a good thing.
There is nothing wrong in being a 'pureblood'. It is only when we've ethnic cleansing in Yugoslavia, or the Holocaust that eugenics become a reality. As we get more educated and aware of society in the midst of globalization, I feel that eugenics is very unlikely to result as that writer has claimed. After all, we all know that action speaks louder than words. In my camp, one of my Indian colleagues takes pleasure in referring to his own race as 'ma-ma' while acknowledging that it is a derogatory term for Indians. Likewise, we've mats, chinamen and so on. However, all these expressions were merely said for fun, and there's no true conflict as everyone is conscious of the consequences of invoking any racial sensitivities.
P/S: That's all for now. Will talk about my MOE scholarship interview some other day. In addition, I sincerely hope that all my friends acknowledge the fact that the blog they're reading now is now of a completely different identity.
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
22:02
Friday, April 22, 2005
A short note
The weekend seems a bit plain ahead, as I ponder upon the past week, and also what to expect in the future. Tomorrow's recall manning, meaning that I'd have to spend a boring day in camp hoping that the Commando NSmen do not get activated. Cos' if it does happen then imagine the administrative nightmare we'll get into....
The month of May is coming, and I've the feeling that I'll be meeting up with old friends again.. Min Dan asked me to consider going for TJCCC's annual drama concert. In addition, College Day is coming and I'll have to return to bask in the glory that my batch had struggled to build upon for the past two years. I miss my TJ friends very much and I sort of feel that the TJ spirit still lingers on in my mind, influencing the way I work in the army right now!
A friend asked me a rather difficult question which was actually supposed to be simple. The question was: What do you think the Commandoes have achieved for the past year. Given the fact that I have been in the formation for only two months, where I'd be considered an infant, I decided to reluctantly give an infant-style answer. I said that the formation had succeeded in nurturing the mind to keep the Commandoes' motto (For Honour and Glory) alive in one's thinking.
And I couldn't believe that such a lame and simplistic answer of mine could easily make me the most famous clerk in Hendon. Well, my friend was making a video for a Workplan Seminar and he was quite desparate in getting people to face the video camera... Now I do not know how I'm going to survive for I'd defintely be scrutinized very closely by everyone from top to bottom whenever I do my work. Being well-known indeed is a double-edged sword, and attempts to being low profile throughout my life has been futile.. Quite an irony when my Big 5 Test says that I'm an introvert. Now I do not know if I'm putting up a false front or not.... Perhaps I should worry about what I say here cos' right now, the 'big fucks' may be avid readers of my blog without my knowledge..
I ponder again on my alma mater's slogan of "Passion, Purpose, Drive"; and then thought about my previous post where I cast doubts about the true motivation of our regulars in the SAF. It seems that what TJ preaches compared to other organizations with regards to the issue of motivation over what we do. And it just seem to be an illusion, though it is often said that we should follow our dreams.It only works when all three words go hand in hand in what we do. If not, I don't know.
By the way, I'm going to have my name changed. This is because religious divinations are telling me that things in the future are not so good for me, and hence a name change. My mum just gave me one of most unusual name changes (but not as exaggeratting as the one you've seen in The Sunday Times) I've ever seen. "Zenon" is soon to become "Zelig-dhi", but the word 'Zenon' will still stay as a middle name. I shall leave it to you all to digest it for a while before I explain what it means. As to how you all are going to address me, I'm clueless. I'll decide whether I'll feel comfortable about how you guys call me. I'm even considering whether this blog needs a name change (or even a makeover). So to keep your fingers crossed... and I'm still the Zenon (or Zelig or whatever) that you all have known ever since we've met....
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
22:30
Monday, April 18, 2005
Self-Ponderance
I decided to take a break from the army to ponder about myself. To ponder about my future. To ponder about what my life would be like especially when I take my pink IC next December. I wonder how my family would be like. I wonder if I was to be the Zenon you readers know, or to take a different identity. I wondered if life in Hendon has made me go bonkers. (That's why everyone in the SAF says that those wearing the red beret have a unique personality.) I wonder if my pursuits in life was worthwhile. I wonder if there was such thing as 'Passion, Purpose, Drive'. Let alone thinking about the slogan 'For Honour and Glory'.
I was agitated one night over the PC that for no reason, I just go bonkers. Went bonkers enough to get me to the hospital and to be on MC. Whose work is it to make me into such a depressing situation? I just stoned around, went blog-hopping (the links on Su Hui's blog are one of the best reads) and thought about when to get my next makeover. I happened to pass by a blog where the writer condemned NS, where he himself is a NSF. He spoke about how successful it had been controlling the mindset of Singaporeans, yet it failed to consider what'd happen when Singapore was in trouble. He then predicted that everyone would run helter-skelter and....(you know the rest).
If you ever ask me, that brought me back to the household acronym of SAF being "Serve and Fuck Off". No doubt one would have heard numerous cheong sua stories from older generations, but compare these to the younger generation. Now, everyone doesn't seem Singaporean to me. Even I myself don't feel Singaporean. Why do I say that? Simple. Are we as patriotic as before? Not sure. Are we getting more apathetic? To some extent, true. Perhaps, we're just in our own state, hoping to get by life based on our own definitions. Even as the government presides over the decison to build (not one but two) casinos, was it a national decison? Even personal feelings overruled the minds of the decison-makers. As a non-gambler, I don't really bother.
Now I wonder how to live life. We all know that life is impermanent. Yet life has so many ups and downs. I wonder how to make myself a free man in the regimental and stale environment that I'm in. I remember asking my bunkmate who just signed on in the army the magic question -- WHY? He merely said that he wanted to make ends' meet. After all, he was an ITE graduate, and technically speaking, he cannot go to OCS/SISPEC unless he signed on. That answer wasn't impressive to me. I've strongly believed that if you wanna do something, you ought to have the passion and the zest for it. On the other hand, my friend has been harbouring a negative attititude for NS just because the Commandoes took him in and not the RSAF. See how one's passion for something can change overnight? Everyday in my camp, I hear the warrants in my camp conversing in Hokkien, an obvious sign that they were all hokkien-pengs. I wondered if they'd stay in the army if they were given better education and better paying jobs (which may not be their liking). I remember my sergeant in Tekong quoting my SSM as saying "That's what I'm paid to do, otherwise no job mah!"
I have a MOE scholarship interview next week. Hearing from those who've went through the interview, I know that it would be a tough one. I do not know if I'm able to prove myself to be the one. I do not know if the interviewers would think like me. Just as the USP interviewers gave me the bizarre look when I talk about things like contrasting studies and so on, I now feel an ominent thing in my mind. What is passion to them may not be passion to me. And as I now strive to embrace completely new things in my life, there's alot to worry and ponder about.
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
18:50
Saturday, April 16, 2005
The USP Interview
Just had a USP interview this morning....and the interview itself was rather academic in nature. The kind of responses that I got from the two interviewers was enough to provoke one's mind very significantly.. One thing that didn't come up was current affairs, despite the hot debate over the casino and also the spat between China, Korea and Japan.. (I'd just say that Japan is bearing the consequences for miswriting history)
For example, one question asked about my hobbies. I just mentioned blogging as one of them, for being on the computer was what I enjoy doing. I then said that blogging allowed for free speech and self-expression. However, the academic was quick to rebut me saying that people could use blogs to slander others. Well I desperately gave my not-so-best reply saying that everyone decides what their blog is supposed to be, and you cannot stop one from slandering others. Then I went on to tell them what I used my blog for. After all, blogs are the forums of freedom. I doubt the interviewers were very impressed.
In addition, the USP interviewers gave me a rather shocked look when I told them that I yearned to do a double degree. And they say, " What? I don't think we've heard of double degrees.." What a sharp contrast to the kind of responses I get from faculty staff in both the Arts and Science faculties. However, they were willing to hear me out on how the sciences and the arts could be linked together (given the fact that the USP advocates a multi-disciplinary approach) and also asked me what I'd make out of it. Well telling them my ambition of being a teacher didn't seem impressive to them, despite my personal rantings about how the environment was often neglected in the political arena on a global basis.
Perhaps I've ranted too much that may've put the interviewers abit off (though I saw one putting an asterisk on my paper). I got an upcoming MOE scholarship interview and I guess I really cannot rant so much as before.. I'm hoping that I'd get whatever I want, cos' it is where my interests really lie... and as April becomes rather mundane, I just start to miss the company of my old friends, being from TJ or from Mohawk.. personally I feel that I'm vegetating too much in the office already..
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
20:10
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Zenon's take on the 'elite'
There has been so much talk in the news about the elite that I feel very tempted to talk about it. I wonder why Singaporeans are so embroiled over the issue of 'elite'? Even though concerns by the man on the street are indeed valid, I feel that as long as there is a thing called 'meritocracy', I do not see why we should be going so crazy over this word 'elite'. If you look at the structure of a society with an elite and without an elite, the contrast would be very obvious. You can also put it as Marxist and non-Marxist, since Marx believed that the communist utopia was that of a 'classless society'. Look at countries like China and Cambodia. Why is it that these countries have rose rather late in terms of development, compared to the other Asian tigers? This was because they've marginallised and purged their own elite in the past, and henceforth were too utopian and zealous over their own ideology. Their dream, ironically had devoured them instead.
Personally, I feel that throughout Singapore's evolution over the years, the elite indeed has played a significant part in our history. Given the fact that in the 50s' and 60s' where the bane of society were grossly illiterate, there was a need for such an elite to lead the country forward. However, we must not forget the fact that the education system, as well as the rising entrepreneurial spirit have actually made the issue of 'elitism' more significant now because that allowed everyone from all walks of life to be prominent today. The elite class have apparently got richer not just in terms of power and knowledge of their own fields, but for many, it was wealth as well. We have a number of country clubs, which I think has a greater ratio compared to other countries. The media, such as through 'Hi Life' and the Singapore Tatler just made the issue of elitism more pressing than before. (and perhaps, the cocaine raid).
If you ask me what it the weakness of an elitist, it is the failure to connect with the larger society in a humble manner. Connecting to the society should not be restricted to the public servants per se. It takes a multi-faceted effort of all, where the message should be 'if I can make it, so can you.' Fame should not just be restricted to the world of 'scholar', 'entrepreneur' and so on.... Anyone can be an elite in their own sense. A master chef in the revolving restaurant can be an elite in his culinary skills. A busker can also be an elite in the field of the arts. Even though things like 'EM1' in schools, 'Sierra Wing' in OCS and 'XXX Town Club' are there to stay, we've to manage it. We've to make sure that freshly-moulded elites ensure that the society pie should not be a pyramid, but rather a croissant, where the middle class are the ones who are humble and professionals in their workplaces, contributing to both society and economy so that the state can prosper. What Singapore needs now is a 'bourgeois revolution', where we can avoid allowing a small group at the apex nor a group of poorly-educated lot undermine the progress of our country.
I was aware of the issue of elitism only when I entered junior college. I ended up in the Scholarship Preparatory Programme, where the college had described it as an elite programme. The SPP really broadened and changed my views of life. It made me see society from a different window. That was also similar in my BMT days where 75% of my company mates took S papers, and then went on to get at least 3 straight As in their A levels. If not because of our dismal IPPT performance, everyone could've made it to OCS and SISPEC. However, I continued to realise that I have a very serious weakness. I don't know how to connect tactfully with people who were not of my own brethen. Right now in my present unit, the clerks who were polytechnic graduates (and are forming the majority as well) are calling the shots, as they displayed greater levels of resourcefulness compared to the JC lot. We need a balance, and we need to manage the drawbacks of elitism. Perhaps NS is meant to quash any elitist thoughts, which I think is a very valuable life skill to learn when you interact with the larger society. After you pass out from your BMT, you meet all sorts of people. And this is where we really learn how to socialise with the larger society, and to broaden our thinking. May the bourgeoisie call the shots for the sake of the country!
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zeligdhilee breaking the MUSIC.
19:30
